The Ten-Month Dreadful Worry

One minute passes after drop-off, and the uneasiness begins.

That dreadful feeling—the worry that follows me Monday through Friday for seven long hours.

For those seven hours, I constantly check my phone for missed calls or messages, with the ringer turned all the way up. Some might call it unnecessary. But is it?

Is it really unreasonable to worry about your autistic child while he is at school?

Maybe to some. But if you knew Michael’s past school experience and the trauma he endured, you would understand why I worry the way I do. It is a situation I never want repeated.

So, for seven hours, I wonder:

Is Michael happy? Is he enjoying school? Does he have friends who are kind to him? Is he being treated fairly? Are his teachers patient, encouraging, and understanding? Most importantly, is he safe?

Does he feel loved, valued, accepted, and capable?

These are the questions that occupy my mind until the moment I see him walk through those school doors again.

So, no—my worry isn't ridiculous.

My worry is real. My worry is valid. My worry comes from love.

When your child is autistic and may not always be able to tell you everything that happens during the day, you learn to be especially watchful. You listen more closely. You notice the smallest changes. And you pray a little harder.

Every morning, I drop Michael off with a heart full of hope and a mind full of questions.

For those seven hours, all I can do is trust, pray, and wait.

And when those school doors finally open, I just want to see my little boy walk out safe, happy, and smiling.

Because I am his mother.

I will always protect him, advocate for him, and fight for his well-being.

And until this ten-month school year comes to an end, the worry may remain.

But so will I.